my crap (go back »)

I need help.

I love this guy and he's gay. I feel sick. Because im trying to drop weight fast. So i can be preety... Which sucks even more.

1st.

He's gay and he just found out that i like him yet i love him have for 3 years. When i spend the night with his sister before they moved in with their mom i went over there almost every weekend.I used to sit outside of his door after she went to sleep and cry.Then I used to say love you and im sorry before i went to bed. He was always alsleep. And never heard. I wish he had just once. So we could have gone through this awkard stage, were nethier of us can talk to each other . Let alone be mean to him. I miss having hte thought if i did something right he would like me. Never. Which brings tears to my eyes. I just wanna be over him and get on with my ruined life. I have never ever loved a guy like this. And he thinks i just like him. ha. Not for 2 years. I have had crushes but not like this.My freinds dont get it. At all. They all think i'll get over it. I just want him to explain it too me in his words. Like im sorry and stuff. I would kill to her that,! Why do the best guys have to be gay>!>!>  It just plain out sucks.

2nd. I hate being called fat and everyone still does it. So im gonna starve myself to get skinny. I hate being a size 16 pants and all my freinds being 1 or 7 Lower than me. It just sucks.

3rd. Im poor. yeah nobody gets it.

4th. My grandma is sick. Very sick.

5th. Everyone at school thinks im a sl*t. And im not.ive had sex so ive heard. Yet i havent because im not like that. and ive had one boyfreind. Who cheated on me

6th. i hate it. not knowing. i hate that my freinds are dating again after they break up and i hate it that two of my best freinds dated my ex boyfriend after i dumped him for CHEATING! Stupid move. By really smart girls.

7th....I cant take this crap.